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Some Parents are unconsciously raising passive and aggressive girls and not assertive girls. I do not want to raise my girls up in such a way that they say yes to everything or let people walk all over them and trample on their feelings while they just look on. They need to learn to speak up and stand up for themselves. Most especially if you are raising both girls and boys, you need to be careful in raising them up equally, by paying special attention to the societal belief of Boys being stronger or better than girls.
“The only healthy communication style is assertive communication”. Jim Rohn
When you raise a passive girl, they are unable to speak nor stand up for themselves or others, they allow people to trample all over them and even take credit for their hard work. They say yes to everything despite the fact that they feel otherwise, so as not to hurt the feeling of others.
When you raise an assertive girl, they exude confidence and very unlikely to be manipulated. They express their feeling exactly as they feel it by saying no to what they cannot handle and yes to what they can. They may break the rule once in a while to allow others have their way but definitely not all the time.
When you raise aggressive girls then only their views matter. They do all the talking and never listen or acknowledge any other person because to them they are always right. They unconsciously manipulate and take undue advantage of others.
But as the custodian of our daughters or son as the case may be, we are at liberty to choose how we want to raise them. As for me, I choose to raise assertive girls. We doing great with teaching them all the right values, social etiquette, and personal hygiene but we also need to teach them how to be assertive. This hits home when you see your girl (or child) being cheated or treated unfairly and they can do is cry or on the verge of same, when they can simply say no or stand up for them self in a peaceful and not aggressive way. Nothing breaks a mother’s heart more than seeing people take undue advantage of your child while they do nothing.
WAYS TO RAISE AN ASSERTIVE GIRL
♥ Help them to believe first in themselves and appreciative of how God created them by using only positive words around them. I use opportunities like these to teach them about adjectives. For instance one of my girls said;
Mom, I met a new friend today, her name is ……………,
So I said to her, you seem to like her already. What do like about her?
Mom, she is beautiful, considerate and smart.
I said wow! those are some good qualities.
Do you think you can make a new sentence using an adjective to describe your new friend?
I met a beautiful, considerate and smart girl in my class today.
Fantastic pretty! I love the way that sounds.
Three things to take note here, we are using everyday experiences to learn how to describe others and things, appreciate others by using positive words to describe them and building up confidence in them. We have a list of daily confessions for girls free for your download here. Print it out and use with your girls. when they confess positivity to themselves daily, it eventually becomes a part of them. Also lay more emphasis on their inner beauty more than their outward appearance. Whenever there is a decision to make in the home, sit them down and ask for their own opinion, it will help to be more confident with their own suggestions outside of the home. There are some cultures that forbid young ones contributing where adults are. This does not help our kids in any way because a disrespectful child will be disrespectful either they are allowed to talk or not.
♥ Always listen to your girls (or children) to make their voice heard. When they know their opinions are important and you will hear them out no matter what. We as parents should also work our ourselves by being assertive and not passive or aggressive parents. they need to see us as also assertive to help them reach this goal. Let us learn to practice what we preach because we are like a mirror to them and most often than not, they show our character and attitude.
♥Allow your girls to decide what they want to wear sometimes. The same goes for shopping, take them with you when shopping and allow them to choose some of the things they want. I tell my girls, you can only buy one thing for yourself, so choose wisely. Know their favorite colors so you can surprise them from time to time or on special occasions.
♥Commend assertive behavior when you see it to help them know when how well they handled the situation. Then they will handle the situation even better when you are not there. If you notice they did not handle the situation well, like either being passive or aggressive, please do correct them immediately and show them instances on how they could have handled the situation better. Practice being assertive with them by creating different scenarios and tell them to react the same way they would have in life. Then you can either commend or correct their response to the situation. This is also a skill that can help them to stand up to bullies.
♥Teach them it’s ok to say NO to what they do not want or like without making up excuses for it. The same thing goes for negative and manipulative friends. If you see that a friend simply sucks you dry of all emotions and feelings, say no to such friendships. Make friends with people who value your opinion ( not necessarily take it) as much as you value theirs. It must be a symbiotic relationship (where both parties give and take) and not a parasitic relationship (where only one party takes and takes without giving).
Start today if you have not started already. Day by day, step by step, God will give us the wisdom to help build up our girls and equip them for a brighter future.