How many of us are able to stop short of overreacting when our daughters do some things we are not very happy about or when they try to tell us about some things? Did you just say, Yes I do? Oh well, some of us are not that perfect. We are work in progress. And as much as we mean well, it is negatively impacting our relationship with the lovelies. We need to get as close as possible to our girls especially before they reach the teenage years when they will need a lot of wise and Godly counsels. We do not want them to get the readily available counsels that might not point them in the right way from their peers right?So let’s explore ways to begin to earn their trust early enough.
LET THEM LEAD
When you trust your girls to take up a difficult task or to take a lead, they feel trusted and in turn trust you back. It also helps them to focus and use their initiative more. My two eldest daughters share the same room, since the day I told the eldest that she is in charge of making sure the room is always tidy, we’ve had a better outcome. I don’t have to tell them to pick up toys and all. She makes sure her sister does her bit and I’m super proud of how fast they are learning. Now she believes I trust her to handle some certain things and they are beginning to see themselves as I see them and I am earning their trust in exchange.
PLEASE BE THERE
There are times we are present in our daughter’s life yet absent. We need to allow our body, soul, and spirit to come together in the nurturing process because they know when we sit there but our mind is one million miles away. Remember the day we gave birth to the precious angels, how they came out yelling? What happened the moment the bundle of joy got cuddled in your arms? Yes, the crying subsided and finally stopped, while you, if you are like me, shed tears of joy. But why did the baby stop crying the moment you hold her? She knew you the entire nine-month incubation period but more importantly, she can feel your calmness, joy, and presence. You are truly there and could not wait to see the face of the pleasant surprise you have waited for. Think this moment over and let it translate into the present day lives of our girl’s. Parenting is difficult if you are intentional in how you bring up your girls. For the babies, hold them close to your face, always making eye contact and talk to them as if they can hear you. For the toddler girls stoop to their level when they need your undivided attention and give it to them squarely. For the older girl’s, sit with them, take a stroll with them hand in hand, lie beside them……………… whatever means you use, make sure you give them your full attention. Forget about all the pressing needs of the moment and earn some trust.
SPEAK THE TRUTH AT ALL TIMES
How convenient it is to tell lies sometimes to our girls, forgetting they are fast learners. And not only will they replicate the lies in other forms, they know not to trust what mummy or daddy says.
◊ Let me help you clean up the wound, it won’t hurt! Really? will it not?
Just say it as it is but in a nice and subtle way because it will always hurt. Let them know you will there to hold them and share in their pain instead of looking for the easy way out. Plus this is a critical time when they are fearful and looking up to you to tell them the truth.
I used to rock this boat but now I’m doing very well and it’s a place every parent should strive to reach. You will see or hear stuff about your daughter that will make you feel like pulling out your hairs and yell at the top of your voice. But now that won’t happen because you’ve got this. Calm down and take deep breaths and think about how to handle the situation. Start building yourself up to the moment when nothing sways you because there is nothing new that has not already happened before. Children will always be children, one of the reasons why they didn’t just fall from heaven. We have been carefully chosen to guide them through life, so let us not scare them away with our shock. Allow them to trust you with little things so they can tell you about the big things. Some are afraid to talk because of the drama that will erupt afterward.
Always strive to listen to your daughter’s parent because most times before our kids complete a sentence we already have the suitable answers to cut them short. Listen intently to them as long as it takes. Sometimes you find out your reply changes sometimes from what you would have earlier said. When they get used to you giving them a listening hear, they will be more willing to tell you personal stuff and trust you with their issues. Believe in them and stand up for them when necessary.
OWN UP WHEN YOU ARE WRONG
Cultivate the habit of owning up to your girl’s when wrong and apologize immediately. Nobody is above mistakes, there are times when we slip and feel like being bossy to them because we are the parent. It is very wrong and we need to lead by example so we are able to earn their trust and make sure that they are picking the positive vibes only.
KEEP THEIR SECRET SAFE
Don’t share what your daughters told you in confidence with other people, no embarrassment is greater than this. Learn to keep the pieces of information you have been entrusted with very safe. It is quite tempting to share all that juicy information when chatting with our closest buddies. But don’t fall for it.
I do hope these have inspired you in some way. Kindly share in the comment below how you have been able to earn your daughter’s trust or hope to.
14 Responses on this post
Great article! All things I completely agree with. Trust is a huge thing and it goes along with all of these points. I am too guilty of reacting too quickly, I am trying to slow down and watch her to see what she will do before I react so quickly. It’s a learning process for both of us.
Fantastic Cassandra. Keep up the good work.
Wise words and great reminders! The older they get, the more we need them to trust us!
True Tnmitch. Thanks for sharing.
This is a great article! I really appreciate your point about making sure to own up when we are wrong – I think that is really important. I don’t have a daughter, but I can relate to so many of these in the way I want to also help my son grow.
Great Mary! I appreciate you loads. Your son is lucky to have you.
This is so wonderful, I often forget that kids lean so fast and nurture is such a huge part of their social development. I hope i can instill some of these values in my little girl. xoxo Cynelle
Thanks Amileinmychoo. I’m sure you are doing an awesome job.
I have 3 children and only one girl. It’s so important for me to foster a healthy relationship with her. I have an amazing relationship with my mom and I think it’s thanks to many of the amazing tips here. She was my best friend and still is!
Thanks Alytyghter. Glad you have a close relationship with your mom. Sure you will fo more with your daughter. Thanks for stopping by.
Very useful and timely tips. Thanks for sharing
I loved reading this:) I have 2 girls; an 11 year old and an almost 14 month old. After reading the part about ‘overreacting’ I couldn’t help but shudder :/ I’m guilty of this and am really trying to work harder at not “expecting” attitude from my oldest daughter and allowing the irritation to already creep up on me before she even reacts. I really need to work on giving her the benefit of the doubt more and taking that deep breath before reacting.
Thanks Ashley. I’m glad you find this article useful .