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As we well know, good friends are very hard to friend. We all need and want that selfless, Godly, loving, caring, trustworthy, have your back kind of friend, but time and time again so many of our prospect has failed to meet our standard leaving us heartbroken and let down. But some of us have been lucky to snag that precious and priceless friend(s) that has not only met our standard of friendship but also added loads of value to our lives. Our daughters are not left out in the struggle of finding a good and special friend that they can call their best buddy. But as always, we will continue to guide them in the right direction, so they can make wise choices. Their hearts will have us to thank.
When they are friendless, they feel unloved, confused, lonely, sad, lost, anxious, hurt, scared, angry, and the list goes on but the truth is having friends is super important to girls. If friendship is this important to them and knowing it can either make or break them, then we need to help them to know what kind of friends are good for them and the ones that are not good for them.
I tell my daughters the first step in having lasting friendships is to first work on themselves. Always strive to be the best version of yourself. Don’t give what you can’t take from others. The Bible puts it this way;
DO TO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE THEM DO TO YOU.
With these understanding, they can go ahead to seek good friends.
How can your daughters choose their BFF (Best friends forever) wisely?
- Be yourself: Don’t be a people pleaser or hero-worship just to so you can friends with someone or people. Be your natural self and relate to others without pretense. A people pleaser is someone who says yes to everything and everyone even when it makes them unhappy, to feel among. Hero worship is when you idolize someone or some people. Teach your daughters to admire people but not sulk up to them. No need for a parasitic friendship where only one person benefits and feeds on the other person. They should always strive to be themselves and anyone that loves what they see in them and wishes to be friends with them will approach and ask them to be friends with them just as it is ok for them to also approach someone they like and ask to be their friend. While it good to appreciate good traits, things or looks in your friend, never try to be like them or imitate their look or want they have. Always be content with what you have and how God created you. Remember you are created and formed in Gods image and likeness.
- Be Strong: Not everyone you ask for their friendship will oblige or those that oblige might turn out to be what they did not expect. A good point to hold onto when dealing with friends or trying to make one is nobody is perfect, we are all work in progress. So always have that at the back of your mind by giving room for your friends excess and fail. This is one of my very strong points and it has really helped me thus far. I give so much room for friends fail that they can hardly get to me like that. My heart has been well barricaded by God and I think this is very important in raising our daughters as well. Some of them can be very emotional but that why we there to help them to be stronger.
- Be Wise: The values we instill in our daughters is not for fun, it is for such a time as these. Therefore remind them of those values when they are set to choose their friends. They will need to look out for such values or the ones close to it when choosing their friends because they will come across people from different backgrounds and they cannot just be friends with anybody they meet, so wisdom to decipher good values is applicable here.
- Be Truthful: To be a good friend always be truthful to yourself and to those friends. Even as an adult, there are lots of fake and pretentious friends that we have. Let them be aware of this fact and be ready to tell their friends the truth even when it hurts and be ready to take the truth from friends even if it hurts. What is the purpose of friendship when you close your eyes to your friends’ wrongdoings instead of pointing them out lovingly? Absolutely no point. That comes across more like an enemy whose is simply watching and waiting for you to fail. No to such friends. I would rather hear the truth from my friend than to be continually deceived into believing I am always right.
- Avoid Cliques: There’s a difference between having true close friends and belonging to a clique. A clique is like a group of popular girls that tends to behave in a particular way and usually does not have room for others or you will need to meet some particular standard before you can join them and usually has a leader. True close friends, however, are always open to new friends, free to be herself, likes and enjoys each others company. Cliques are unhealthy for our daughters. Instead, tell them to seek good and truly close friends.
- Be Nice: Be kind and nice to your friends. Don’t gossip about your friends behind their backs or bad mouth them in any way. If you notice anything you don’t like, talk to them about it instead. This doesn’t mean they will be nice to you in return but it just shows you if it keeps happening that they were never your friend and you should totally move on. I remember sitting my daughter down and having this discussion on choosing friends. She went on and on about a new friend she just met and in as much as I was excited for her, I could not but sound the warning bell here, but she was like, mom, you will really love this one. so I backed off. It went on for a while until after a while I noticed I haven’t been hearing her name as much as before. So I asked after her and she was like mom she wasn’t a good friend after all. She went into details and I’m just glad she was able to handle it well and putting the values we teach her ahead of herself.
- Be Selfless: When you pray for yourself, remember to pray for your friend. Also, find time to pray together and share God’s word and his ways. See the best in your friend and don’t fail to point it out to them. Praise each other genuinely.
A true friend sticks even closer than a sister, they become more like family after a while, loves you more than material things, accepts you as you are, shares your wins and fails, defends you when you are not there, is not pretentious around you or you around her. Friendship is a beautiful thing only with the right person or people. Choose wisely!